I have been challenged so much recently about my ability to live my life with a heart set on wanting to know God more. I have been challenged about my ability to pray, 'God , bring me closer to You through this experience, whatever it takes..'
Do I truly mean it? Am I really willing to go through anything , to under go whatever it takes to know God more - or am I happy praying the words without really undertaking the wealth of what I am saying. I admittedly struggle, I struggle to always respond to things in the right manner, to look at things with the attitude of whatever it takes. I realise though that the more I have been thinking about living life in this way, the more I have felt myself challenged in my mind when I do succumb to the struggle. I think to myself, you prayed whatever it takes, why are you now surprised that you are finding something hard. I am thankful though that this brings me to the realisation that yea I can't do things on my own, I am going to fail if I try to prevail in this way, that I am pointed back to God and His goodness to me.
I mean didn't He give me all that HE had, whatever it took He gave and gives me.
But what about when it hurts so bad , when it involves sacrifice or just does not make sense: when all our human emotions and thought filters are telling you , screaming at you to run, that this is not fair that at that moment in time those words of your rational heart beat don't even come close.
I am someone who can get so easily fired up about the absolute heart ache of injustice in our world - from witnessing someone being ill treated during my daily routine, to the wider scale issues of our broken world- the overwhelming reality of young girls being trafficked , children with no homes, discrimination, lack of food,water - I mean the list is endless....Then there is the personal struggles that we all experience each and every day, of our own nature. There is no doubt in my mind that soo many times these words are the last thing we would want to think about....whatever it takes.... ahh yea but maybe not that..that we all reach the place at some point when it hurts so bad..
There is comfort in knowing however that no matter what we are facing, how we are feeling or the greatest challenge we face that God knows- that He knows how we feel , that He has felt pain too..
Why think about 'whatever it takes' or wanting to know more? I guess it is a matter for me of not wanting to fall in to the trap of being 'content' at what I know and what I have experienced, I heard someone dishing out this advice not so long ago " Don't sit behind the curtain - open it to the fullness of God and all He has for you." And that's the core of it for me, nail on the head, I just truly long, despite all obstacles, barriers and disruptions that can come, to know what He has for me. His word assures me it to be of good, that those tough times, pain and wrestling are all more than worth giving it my all and affirming greater the mindset of whatever it takes. .
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” ~ Exodus 14:13
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Random Thinking...
As I work more and more with the public , I have become baffled by the nature and wide array of many personalities. I am certain that I could recite many customer orders and requirements and almost have an accurate time of arrival for a few - at least a good idea of the window. I never seem to be amazed at how so many keep coming back and especially when getting the same things, many times on a daily basis. (must be the excellent service) However I realise more and more how we are so often driven and ruled by our routines and I guess habits, that our behaviour is just sometimes our default and the only way in which we know.
The more I have been thinking about it, the tedious connection led me to recognize in my own life things that I just do because I did it the day before or the previous week or because it just feels 'normal' - not saying that this is a bad thing. There is something that really appeals to me about having a routine and I love it when things go according to such, yet my challenge is what when it doesnt.. What when I wake up and my day takes a turn that I did not anticipate, when the 'safety net' is gone or the familiar is a distant memory. As much as I love routine and I guess the challenge I give myself at being 'good' at my own routine ; I have really realised the need to take a step back and pretty much allow there to be times to just go with it, roll with it. I mean for me and my personality I know it is good for me to know what I need to do and when I need to do it etc , however I must be able to challenge and at times move away from the norm. It is so easy to become stuck in the flow of things, stuck in doing what has to be done that you loose the ability to challenge and become more rigid. To set limits on yourself or to deem something impossible just becasuse it is above or different to the waters that you have been used to swimming in. To become complacent and move away from being able to dream, to do bigger things because like every other joe you become a 'creature of habit' mulling through life with eyes closed. Well thats sometimes how I feel I can be in my life , that I forget that God has a bigger purpose and desire in what is going on in my life than me just successfully following a pattern - that I myself designed - how wrong.
'Variants of the expression "to throw a curveball" essentially translate to introducing a significant deviation to a preceding concept ... '
~ Really I got to embrace all Curve balls knowing its not about what happens but how I respond and especially the reality of trying to further grasp how with God I cannot FAIL .... Phew !
The more I have been thinking about it, the tedious connection led me to recognize in my own life things that I just do because I did it the day before or the previous week or because it just feels 'normal' - not saying that this is a bad thing. There is something that really appeals to me about having a routine and I love it when things go according to such, yet my challenge is what when it doesnt.. What when I wake up and my day takes a turn that I did not anticipate, when the 'safety net' is gone or the familiar is a distant memory. As much as I love routine and I guess the challenge I give myself at being 'good' at my own routine ; I have really realised the need to take a step back and pretty much allow there to be times to just go with it, roll with it. I mean for me and my personality I know it is good for me to know what I need to do and when I need to do it etc , however I must be able to challenge and at times move away from the norm. It is so easy to become stuck in the flow of things, stuck in doing what has to be done that you loose the ability to challenge and become more rigid. To set limits on yourself or to deem something impossible just becasuse it is above or different to the waters that you have been used to swimming in. To become complacent and move away from being able to dream, to do bigger things because like every other joe you become a 'creature of habit' mulling through life with eyes closed. Well thats sometimes how I feel I can be in my life , that I forget that God has a bigger purpose and desire in what is going on in my life than me just successfully following a pattern - that I myself designed - how wrong.
'Variants of the expression "to throw a curveball" essentially translate to introducing a significant deviation to a preceding concept ... '
~ Really I got to embrace all Curve balls knowing its not about what happens but how I respond and especially the reality of trying to further grasp how with God I cannot FAIL .... Phew !
Monday, 30 January 2012
Year without Fear ?!
I guess it is only natural at the beginning of a year to take a 'step back' and re-evaluate - what am I doing, what have a become and mostly am I still striving to live a life growing in God..
Perhaps this self evaluation is more regular and of the ordinary for some of us than just the New Year.
Sometimes I think that it is difficult to always identify growth- have I changed at all since last year, have I matured in my faith or have I simply just moved from one port of call to another. At times it is so easy to feel like maybe I am just going backwards, how do things still feel so translucent at times, maybe thats even a generous description at times. I have indeed been challenged greatly in identity as we all so often are, a steep learning curve has been the acknowledgment that occupation and community do not define such. To always be drawn to the Truth of the Gospel to be my numero uno - however , my fallen spiritual DNA loves fear.
A cycle that I never voluntarily choose to jump into can sweep me off my feet and throw a tremendous curve ball, it attacks me in many ways and clouds many a judgement. It often feels like I am doing doughnuts !
Yet my God is committed and Faithful and has promised so much to me, He tells me time and time again, more than anything else to NOT FEAR ! When I feel so disheartened at times of how I can see my failings, ( how shameful and dirty I can feel, how irritated and frustrated with my inability to have 'moved on' from such school boy errors ) - I am similarly challenged by the possibility of missing the Glory of the Gospel ! - While I was a sinner He accepted me, His PERFECT Love ..
What I am really wanting to build upon that I know shall protect me from my vice - Trust . I am such a sucker for a definition, even a basic dictionary explanation of a term - I have always been this way. I think it helps with my processing, just seeing it in black and white , either that or some teacher thought it a good idea at some point and I must have just clung to it.
Trust : Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I feel that many things in life can make me panic or distract me from my main goals, then suddenly SMACK - but where is your Trust. I am challenged at how easily my trust seems to dwindle at times, some cases it takes a lot longer to feel the smack ! Amazing also to think that my trust does not lie in the ability of 'someone or something' but in the Creator of the Earth, a Sovereign King , My Father !
I know for a fact that it is not about what happens, but how we respond..
Its like such a total assurance to know that no matter what the waters or the fire (Isaiah 43) are to be in my life that I am safe and secure. That this Trust that I can rely upon is not of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
I admit I pray a ton to be able to Trust God more, to not have those times where the fear creeps in , when I feel overwhelmed, when peoples opinions and judgments floor me , when I am lost and uncertain. To be honest I am learning that I can use moments that feel uneasy as such a blessing and a privilege to be able to take the time as an opportunity to Trust. To let God do what I have been asking Him for - to equip me and strengthen me in my Trust in Him. To not want to control , to keep my eyes and vision securely on Him. I am learning that this response is wrapped up in the Peace that I have, that this peace shouldn't go away- even when I do respond in the wrong ways. The beauty of Gods Grace and great mercy thankfully enables me to never be far or rejected but to remain on the path of further revelation into His amazing character and to delve deeper into the understandings of all His promises to me.
Yea this year I probably will fear. I probably will mess up and yea I probably will feel like I am digressing at times. However I humbly place my life in the Potters hands, knowing that He will continue to mold me, that I should remember more readily His love (despite my actions) and that only through His power will I grow. I want to persevere in learning more, to learn more of Gods peace which will come hand in hand as I trust, to really grasp my biggest weapon of peace through prayer.
God is so much bigger than anything that I can ever imagine, He is eternal and will not cease to amaze me if I actively seek a personal relationship with Him. At times I really do panic, worry, fail to sleep and perhaps enjoy experiences- yet I realise : He's got this, He is in control , Who and what am I fearing, all you have to do is let Him- Easy right?!. To remember that no matter what twists and obstacles there seems to be that I should always have patience, to know that I know all that I need to know right now , to remember that the fight is WON ! That I don't have to figure things out but rest in unfailing love, unfailing love
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
As the heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher that your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
Perhaps this self evaluation is more regular and of the ordinary for some of us than just the New Year.
Sometimes I think that it is difficult to always identify growth- have I changed at all since last year, have I matured in my faith or have I simply just moved from one port of call to another. At times it is so easy to feel like maybe I am just going backwards, how do things still feel so translucent at times, maybe thats even a generous description at times. I have indeed been challenged greatly in identity as we all so often are, a steep learning curve has been the acknowledgment that occupation and community do not define such. To always be drawn to the Truth of the Gospel to be my numero uno - however , my fallen spiritual DNA loves fear.
A cycle that I never voluntarily choose to jump into can sweep me off my feet and throw a tremendous curve ball, it attacks me in many ways and clouds many a judgement. It often feels like I am doing doughnuts !
Yet my God is committed and Faithful and has promised so much to me, He tells me time and time again, more than anything else to NOT FEAR ! When I feel so disheartened at times of how I can see my failings, ( how shameful and dirty I can feel, how irritated and frustrated with my inability to have 'moved on' from such school boy errors ) - I am similarly challenged by the possibility of missing the Glory of the Gospel ! - While I was a sinner He accepted me, His PERFECT Love ..
What I am really wanting to build upon that I know shall protect me from my vice - Trust . I am such a sucker for a definition, even a basic dictionary explanation of a term - I have always been this way. I think it helps with my processing, just seeing it in black and white , either that or some teacher thought it a good idea at some point and I must have just clung to it.
Trust : Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I feel that many things in life can make me panic or distract me from my main goals, then suddenly SMACK - but where is your Trust. I am challenged at how easily my trust seems to dwindle at times, some cases it takes a lot longer to feel the smack ! Amazing also to think that my trust does not lie in the ability of 'someone or something' but in the Creator of the Earth, a Sovereign King , My Father !
I know for a fact that it is not about what happens, but how we respond..
Its like such a total assurance to know that no matter what the waters or the fire (Isaiah 43) are to be in my life that I am safe and secure. That this Trust that I can rely upon is not of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
I admit I pray a ton to be able to Trust God more, to not have those times where the fear creeps in , when I feel overwhelmed, when peoples opinions and judgments floor me , when I am lost and uncertain. To be honest I am learning that I can use moments that feel uneasy as such a blessing and a privilege to be able to take the time as an opportunity to Trust. To let God do what I have been asking Him for - to equip me and strengthen me in my Trust in Him. To not want to control , to keep my eyes and vision securely on Him. I am learning that this response is wrapped up in the Peace that I have, that this peace shouldn't go away- even when I do respond in the wrong ways. The beauty of Gods Grace and great mercy thankfully enables me to never be far or rejected but to remain on the path of further revelation into His amazing character and to delve deeper into the understandings of all His promises to me.
Yea this year I probably will fear. I probably will mess up and yea I probably will feel like I am digressing at times. However I humbly place my life in the Potters hands, knowing that He will continue to mold me, that I should remember more readily His love (despite my actions) and that only through His power will I grow. I want to persevere in learning more, to learn more of Gods peace which will come hand in hand as I trust, to really grasp my biggest weapon of peace through prayer.
God is so much bigger than anything that I can ever imagine, He is eternal and will not cease to amaze me if I actively seek a personal relationship with Him. At times I really do panic, worry, fail to sleep and perhaps enjoy experiences- yet I realise : He's got this, He is in control , Who and what am I fearing, all you have to do is let Him- Easy right?!. To remember that no matter what twists and obstacles there seems to be that I should always have patience, to know that I know all that I need to know right now , to remember that the fight is WON ! That I don't have to figure things out but rest in unfailing love, unfailing love
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
As the heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher that your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
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