A little light in darkness....

I would say I am a relatively perceptive person, someone who takes in what's going on around and probably takes encouragement from the smallest of things. I am not sure if that is just out of pure desperation of being spurred on through the mundane that daily life can bring or if it's the joy of the beauty of a glimmer of hope...
I  have heard so often of how even the smallest of lights can make a difference in a dark room, something that encourages one to strive to achieve this. Recently I was unexpectedly hit with a 'light' that I never imagined nor expected. The arrival of such had been written out of my expectations as I felt overwhelmed by the hopelessness and 'darkness' that surrounded me. I don't know why I limited the environment to only demonstrate the grim and ugly of life and not leave room for the unexpected...
I honestly was hit in the face with the fact even through the daunting brokenness , injustice and spine shivering behaviours of others that good can actually prevail ! That hope does infact exist ! It's like watching the news, trying to understand and fathom how people can do such things to others , what actually goes through their mind, hope just diminishes and despair can take control .. My experience brought me great joy at a time that I needed to see the flicker of light, that I needed to be reminded that God is definitely present in the places that we deem to be hopeless and in those places that the world would label 'dark' and grim..
Not only that but to see the heart of another, their desires and joy I automatically felt encouraged to try to be that way myself , to strive to be better! To realise that one ignited heart can ignite another, it's infectious and contagious to be a person of encouragement... I was reminded again of the beauty of relationship, the joy of others and how precious it is to be a part of someone's life and journey.. To know that the only real thing that matters in this world is how we treat others, how we love and how we can make a difference to someone who just might really be needing it ! I guess it is a big task to undertake to realise the potential we have in simply living alongside people and sharing daily life.. To  witness the life of someone who has been touched by God, a clear and glowing light battling against the odds - to realise that you are not on your own and that there are others battling this life as a warrior of Christ too! I honestly can't express my gratitude to God who met me at time that I prob didn't even realise that I needed to see this hope to spur me on and motivate me to remember who I am fighting for in this life- who I want others to get to know! To challenge me to live better for this purpose, to question some attitudes and behaviours and mostly to not doubt that the Holy Spirt is present everywhere and shouldn't be ruled out.. That I must live more expectant of God to show up even in the places and people who I would never imagine.. That my heart must break for the ugly, grim and evilness that prevails in this world and for people who become affected, that God change the heart of Everyman - no one is beyond His power.
I am so thankful for the example Jesus is and for the vast amount I have yet to learn from Him - how He spent time with people written off by society, in places others probably would never venture to! I am thankful for the opportunity to take a step back and reevaluate things , to realise the things I am limiting , the mistakes I am making and the priorities that have become skewed..
To know that Gods light is real, that as a human we can often feel engulfed by bad situations that sometimes we feel surrounded by 'darkness', but even though we may feel lost in the midst of our current circumstances, God promises the hope of His light.. God promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness whether it's by bringing someone into our lives or bringing us back to the truth of His word.

Yes, I will continue to make mistakes , I will falter but the more I try to grasp the love of God and increase mine for Him the more I am motivated to be brave and bold, that the light of the Gods word will surround and uplift. The darkness doesn't feel as daunting knowing that if I draw near to God He will draw near to me that He will show me and remind me of His light, whom then shall I fear ?That daily the hope of God’s light will continue to grow within, that I don't need it to be a floodlight that His word is a lamp, to trust what He reveals in His timing ! 

 “I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

'In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.' John 1:4-5

Wow the darkness will never overcome the light , I am thankful for the light of God in another that has reminded me of this , that has encouraged me and brought hope ! Never underestimate the difference a little light can be especially in this world of darkness ! 

1. Sang this song recently and just became totally struck again by How much Jesus Loves us. I find myself working through a range of emotions and being reminded of so much. I am challenged at how much I keep forefront in my mind how Jesus is Mine and I am His , I should live life totally abandoned to what the world thinks about me. We can only ever experience that awesome feeling of loving someone because we have experienced it in the most magnificent way. To think that someone has suffered because of my mistakes is mind blowing and totally humbling. How do I so often go through my daily life without really taking this into account, letting it seep in to the struggles and challenges that can overwhelm so often yet in reality perhaps mean little. 
2. I really felt challenged when singing that line about Jesus lending me breath- like wow how much of a reality check is that ! I think further of how everything I have has been given to me, that I truly am blessed, I often neglect to think of how even oxygen is given to me - i mean come on where is my head at. I think it motivates me further to want to try and i stress try, to use every breath I am lent to Glorify God. I have a real assurance that everything in this life the ups and downs and many struggles will be worth it to be with Him in Endless Delight. 
3. I humbly acknowledge at how much help I need to show and daily live out how much 'If ever I Loved Thee, my Jesus 'tis now' as frankly if it wasn't for the overwhelming extension of His grace regardless of me I'd be in trouble... 
4. 
   
5. 
   
6. My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine;
   For Thee all the follies of sin I resign;
   My gracious Redeemer, my Savior art Thou;
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
7. I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me,
   And purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree;
   I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
8. I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death,
   And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath;
   And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow,
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.
9. In mansions of glory and endless delight,
   I’ll ever adore Thee in heaven so bright;
   I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow,
   If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

Whatever it takes....really?

I have been challenged so much recently about my ability to live my life with a heart set on wanting to know God more. I have been challenged about my ability to pray, 'God , bring me closer to You through this experience, whatever it takes..'

 Do I truly mean it? Am I really willing to go through anything , to under go whatever it takes to know God more - or am I happy praying the words without really undertaking the wealth of what I am saying. I admittedly struggle, I struggle to always respond to things in the right manner, to look at things with the attitude of whatever it takes. I realise though that the more I have been thinking about living life in this way, the more I have felt myself challenged in my mind when I do succumb to the struggle. I think to myself, you prayed whatever it takes, why are you now surprised that you are finding something hard. I am thankful though that this brings me to the realisation that yea I can't do things on my own, I am going to fail if I try to prevail in this way, that I am pointed back to God and His goodness to me.

I mean didn't He give me all that HE had, whatever it took He gave and gives me.

But what about when it hurts so bad , when it involves sacrifice or just does not make sense: when all our human emotions and thought filters are telling you , screaming at you to run, that this is not fair that at that moment in time those words of your rational heart beat don't even come close.

I  am someone who can get so easily fired up about the absolute heart ache of injustice in our world - from witnessing someone being ill treated during my daily routine, to the wider scale issues of our broken world- the overwhelming reality of young girls being trafficked , children with no homes,  discrimination, lack of food,water - I mean the list is endless....Then there is the personal struggles that we all experience each and every day, of our own nature. There is no doubt in my mind that soo many times these words are the last thing we would want to think about....whatever it takes.... ahh yea but maybe not that..that we all reach the place at some point when it hurts so bad..
There is comfort in knowing however that no matter what we are facing, how we are feeling or the greatest challenge we face that God knows- that He knows how we feel , that He has felt pain too..

Why think about 'whatever it takes' or wanting to know more? I guess it is a matter for me of not wanting to fall in to the trap of being 'content' at what I know and what I have experienced, I heard someone dishing out this advice not so long ago " Don't sit behind the curtain - open it to the fullness of God and all He has for you." And that's the core of it for me, nail on the head, I just truly long, despite all obstacles, barriers and disruptions that can come, to know what He has for me. His word assures me it to be of good, that those tough times, pain and wrestling are all more than worth giving it my all and affirming greater the mindset of whatever it takes. .

“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” ~ Exodus 14:13

Random Thinking...

As I work more and more with the public , I have become baffled by the nature and wide array of many personalities. I am certain that I could recite many customer orders and requirements and almost have an accurate time of arrival for a few - at least a good idea of the window. I never seem to be amazed at how so many keep coming back and especially when getting the same things, many times on a daily basis. (must be the excellent service) However I realise more and more how we are so often driven and ruled by our routines and I guess habits, that our behaviour is just sometimes our default and the only way in which we know.
The more I have been thinking about it, the tedious connection led me to recognize in my own life things that I just do because I did it the day before or the previous week or because it just feels 'normal' - not saying that this is a bad thing. There is something that really appeals to me about having a routine and I love it when things go according to such, yet my challenge is what when it doesnt.. What when I wake up and my day takes a turn that I did not anticipate, when the 'safety net' is gone or the familiar is a distant memory. As much as I love routine and I guess the challenge I give myself at being 'good' at my own routine ; I  have really realised the need to take a step back and pretty much allow there to be times to just go with it, roll with it. I mean for me and my personality I know it is good for me to know what I need to do and when I need to do it etc  , however I must be able to challenge and at times move away from the norm. It is so easy to become stuck in the flow of things, stuck in doing what has to be done that you loose the ability to challenge and become more rigid. To set limits on yourself or to deem something impossible just becasuse it is above or different to the waters that you have been used to swimming in. To become complacent and move away from being able to dream, to do bigger things because like every other joe you become a 'creature of habit' mulling through life with eyes closed. Well thats sometimes how I feel I can be in my life , that I forget that God has a bigger purpose and desire in what is going on in my life than me just successfully following a pattern - that I myself designed - how wrong.

'Variants of the expression "to throw a curveball" essentially translate to introducing a significant deviation to a preceding concept ... '

~ Really I got to embrace all Curve balls knowing its not about what happens but how I respond and especially the reality of trying to further grasp how with God I cannot FAIL .... Phew !

Year without Fear ?!

I guess it is only natural at the beginning of a year to take a 'step back' and re-evaluate - what am I doing, what have a become and mostly am I still striving to live a life growing in God..
Perhaps this self evaluation is more regular and of the ordinary for some of us than just the New Year.

Sometimes I think that it is difficult to always identify growth- have I changed at all since last year, have I matured in my faith or have I simply just moved from one port of call to another. At times it is so easy to feel like maybe I am just going backwards, how do things still feel so translucent at times, maybe thats even a generous description at times. I have indeed been challenged greatly in identity as we all so often are, a steep learning curve has been the acknowledgment that occupation and community do not define such. To always be drawn to the Truth of the Gospel to be my numero uno - however , my fallen spiritual DNA loves fear.

A cycle that I never voluntarily choose to jump into can sweep me off my feet and throw a tremendous curve ball, it attacks me in many ways and clouds many a judgement. It often feels like I am doing doughnuts !

Yet my God is committed and Faithful and has promised so much to me, He tells me time and time again, more than anything else to NOT FEAR ! When I feel so disheartened at times of how I can see my failings, ( how shameful and dirty I can feel, how irritated and frustrated with my inability to have 'moved on' from such school boy errors ) - I am similarly challenged by the possibility of missing the Glory of the Gospel ! - While I was a sinner He accepted me, His PERFECT Love ..

What I am really wanting to build upon that I know shall protect me from my vice - Trust . I am such a sucker for a definition, even a basic dictionary explanation of a term - I have always been this way. I think it helps with my processing, just seeing it in black and white , either that or some teacher thought it a good idea at some point and I must have just clung to it.

Trust : Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

I feel that many things in life can make me panic or distract me from my main goals, then suddenly SMACK - but where is your Trust. I am challenged at how easily my trust seems to dwindle at times, some cases it takes a lot longer to feel the smack ! Amazing also to think that my trust does not lie in the ability of 'someone or something' but in the Creator of the Earth, a Sovereign King , My Father !

I know for a fact that it is not about what happens, but how we respond..

Its like such a total assurance to know that no matter what the waters or the fire (Isaiah 43) are to be in my life that I am safe and secure. That this Trust that I can rely upon is not of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
I admit I pray a ton to be able to Trust God more, to not have those times where the fear creeps in , when I feel overwhelmed, when peoples opinions and judgments floor me , when I am lost and uncertain. To be honest I am learning that I can use moments that feel uneasy as such a blessing and a privilege to be able to take the time as an opportunity to Trust. To let God do what I have been asking Him for - to equip me and strengthen me in my Trust in Him. To not want to control , to keep my eyes and vision securely on Him. I am learning that this response is wrapped up in the Peace that I have, that this peace shouldn't go away- even when I do respond in the wrong ways. The beauty of Gods Grace and great mercy thankfully enables me to never be far or rejected but to remain on the path of further revelation into His amazing character and to delve deeper into the understandings of all His promises to me.

Yea this year I probably will fear. I probably will mess up and yea I probably will feel like I am digressing at times. However I humbly place my life in the Potters hands, knowing that He will continue to mold me, that I should remember more readily His love (despite my actions) and that only through His power will I grow. I want to persevere in learning more, to learn more of Gods peace which will come hand in hand as I trust, to really grasp my biggest weapon of peace through prayer.
God is so much bigger than anything that I can ever imagine, He is eternal and will not cease to amaze me if I actively seek a personal relationship with Him. At times I really do panic, worry, fail to sleep and perhaps enjoy experiences- yet I realise : He's got this, He is in control , Who and what am I fearing, all you have to do is let Him- Easy right?!. To remember that no matter what twists and obstacles there seems to be that I should always have patience, to know that I know all that I need to know right now , to remember that the fight is WON ! That I don't have to figure things out but rest in unfailing love, unfailing love

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
As the heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher that your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

I WILL change your Name :

- You Shall NO LONGER be called :-
Wounded
Outcast
Lonely
Afraid

Your NEW Name Shall be :-

Confidence

Joyfulness

Overcoming One

Faithfulness

Friend of God

One who Seeks My Face

My Child


Amazing, God doesn't want to scrap who I am but wants to save me from what entangles me , He doesn't change who He made me to be - my personality gifts and talents remain, He redeems me to become more how He imagined. No longer are we to be confined by labels that fail to acknowledge the goodness of God, but released into a world of positive and loving adjectives- love beyond our greatest experience !
God wishes to restore and is willing to do so all the time, His patience and love for me is unfathomable , to think that I often struggle with waiting upon Him when its really Him who is taking everything in His timing so that it is perfect for me, there could be no greater demonstration of understanding. He wants to see me flourish , to be vibrant and alive as I fully grow and learn more of what it is to be blessed with the gift of 'fullness of life' in Him. He sees each of us as precious, to be worth so much and will never let us go , I learn more and more how I know that I should rest in Him knowing how Faithful He is - that whatever is happening or going on that despite my inability to understand or control that if I am walking with Him acknowledging Him in life - His plans are only of hope and future - even when things don't seem this way. I always thought this verse was just thrown about a ton but in hindsight if I really believe the word and the truth of God and learn to commit things to Him more and more then I should really take such assurance in knowing that no matter how 'rocky' a path may be that God has promised so much more - He knows exactly what He is doing.

As Einstein said " God doesn't play dice "

- everything is orchestrated with such providential oversight that simply blows our minds and awareness.

Man I truly need the Spirit to remind me of Gods Truth more and more , to know that it is not about what happens but how we respond.........
...... for me to personally remember that it doesn't matter to me as much what I do in this life but who I become in Him and the people I am blessed to meet and love along the way

R. O . I ......

Finance is not my forte , but sometimes figures just make sense ! I often remember the quote in that movie 'Mean Girls' - " because It's the same in every country" defending why one would even like maths. Personally I think there is a totally valid point in that - I mean no matter where you are, What your doing there has to be a beauty in the fact that in any equation or problem involving figures - there can only be one answer ! 1 + 1 will always give 2 - always ! No matter what continent your in, what language you speak or your background. It is just fact .. a simple fact , right? Well maybe at that level.

I know what your thinking huh I never really thought about that .... think of school - you were awarded some marks for showing working out and I guess in hindsight looking like you were going the right way, that you understand , perhaps even a glimpse of sympathy? .. but..realistically you still only scored full potential when you got that one right answer ... there is no either or .. There is not as much freedom with boundaries as those 'wordy' subjects..

Jesus said to him,
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
John 14:6

I am drawn to the similarity of the one way beauty - the overwhelming Truth that to know God and have a personal relationship with Him - there is one answer , one way - Jesus.

At this point though I feel it so necessary to realise that what God did in sending His son to die for us will never make sense like a maths equation, there is no 'sum' that equates to the forgiveness and grace that has been bestowed upon us.. Just an undeniable , uncomprehending and unending amount of Love- its simply not tangible or deserved. Undeserved - Nothing we have done! The truth of the gospel that Jesus is the only one true way can certainly present itself in a nature as black and white as that 1+1. Yet I'm fully aware that so often as humans we fail to hold on to that truth, or we fail to really accept what that means for us or how easy it is for our eyes to slip off Him - thus the negotiation of black and white.
Accepting Christ as Your Saviour, handing your life to Him and asking for His forgiveness - non-negotiable. Believing that when we turn to Him we are washed clean by His blood, accepted and made new , through nothing of our own merit - non -negotiable. It's the journey that will test, try and at times torment us. The knowledge that although knowing Jesus to be the only answer, doesn't mean we simply fall into wow life is great -

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43 : 2

It is not a case of 'if' or 'maybe' but 'When you pass through the waters,' however how amazing that in the same sentence we are reassured of our safety and security in Christ that when these times come we are not alone nor are we defeated

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46 : 1

Delving on to another provoking mathematical thought...

Return On Investment ( R.O.I.) - A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or to compare the efficiency of a number of different investments...

To calculate ROI, the benefit (return) of an investment is divided by the cost of the investment; the result is expressed as a percentage or a ratio.

It is advised that if a positive ROI is not possible or if there is an opportunity for a higher result an investment obviously should not be undertaken.


In thinking in terms of one's relationship with God, the return of investment seems to relate to - What we gain 'divided' by the cost .. Takes a minute to get my head around this - the number of times I have spent trying to re-work that in my mind. So what we gain from living a life invested in Christ in comparison to what the cost may be. There is such a vast amount of gain to living a life with Christ, way too many to note or fathom. The fact is no longer do we wear garments of slavery but rather clothes of adoption - we are filled with a hope and a future , assured of God's love and approval , that He will never leave nor forsake us , that all things work together for good when we walk with Him- We are given the gift of eternal life and promised
life and have it abundantly! With all that it contains ; freedom, joy, peace , security, safety....

I think of

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3 : 8


There is no doubt the amount of pain and suffering there is in the world, in our lives, the trials and hard times - moments were we simply do not know how we are going to continue however I am 100% sold in knowing that having a life invested in Christ will be more than worth it, more than 'beneficial' and it for sure, if mathematically possible , would produce a figure so positive it would rocket off the scale.. No other investment could ever come close !
The challenge I feel faced with, is how then am I living my life ? Am I truly maximising life to the fullest potential realising that I have the greatest 'return on investment' there could ever be.. Do I push boundaries, take risks, live with passion and compassion all for the Glory of My Saviour - surely the knowledge of such assurance and love would provoke us to always be striving for more of Him , attempting to give this all we have got- With Him we can't loose ! This is not a risky deal , Only when we truly realise that Jesus is the way , our way will we ever be able to really realise and tackle our full potential... A potential that He has given us and that we reach by His grace and mercy. We will never loose marks or points with God - nothing will keep us from His love. At times we do have to 'work things out' but all these stages remind us that we can do nothing without him, that our dependence should solely remain in Him.


Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5-6

With God we cannot loose, we will always gain - everything will be worth it however little we see or understand this at times. What is it then that is holding us back ? What is filling up priority in our hearts, what are we placing importance in. I have been challenged by how there is a 'thin line between things for our living and to what you are living for'....

No matter how we view ourselves at times or what mistakes we make or how lost we feel - To God we are always worth the investment ! How mind blowing is that, that He considers us worth re-making. Despite all our efforts we will never match up nor are we ever required to - thank goodness God doesn't take into consideration what 'return' we give to Him...

'You are more than the sum of your past mistakes..'

And yea guess what.... its the same in every country !

What a privilege to be able to maximise our life investing in a relationship with Him but really how much greater it is that while we were still sinners He gave us the greatest gift of all - truly showing how much He thinks every one of us are worth investing in !

Go For It !