I think it is fair to say that recently in life I have found it very easy to deminish, perhaps with out intention, the true desires and wants of my heart. I suppose I am talking about the 'ethos' of my life , what my motivations, hopes and dreams are founded on and if they are prominent in the ongoings of my daily life. There is absolute no doubt in my mind that the Love of God and His precious undeserving gift should be the most forefront knowledge in both my heart and mind alike, but it is with what do we do with this.(This is something that I admittedly could talk about for a long time and something that will contain many differing threads than what this snipet will portray , no doubt to be returned to many times.) There are times when I find myself needing to take a step back , like totally remove myself from a situation and re-evaluate. How am I rooting my life , what am I putting time into and what is clogging up my thinking.
In my heart I know that I long to know how to love people , I know that I continuously mess up on this and fall so short of the mark. This is something I always want to refresh myself in , to always strive to love in the knowledge and belief that love is the only thing that matters and the only thing that can make a difference and create hope. How great a weight that small word has ! its more than what its even defined as - surely it should have no limits ! Its this love for others and the realisation of the worth that each hold , that should motivate us to fight and challenge those who need us to speak for them - that our love isn't bound up in terms and conditions but the opposite that it delves straight into the unknown , dark and unlikely places - its ok to get your hands dirty ! However I let the passion of this and my desire slip , in my human nature I let myself become bombarded with stresses , pressures and in short the things in life that easily take a hold and take attention from what counts. How come mediocrity can slide so easily into our lives, although it has no place it comfortably resides.
I know I def need to focus more on the things that I want to let my life work towards but to most importantly be devoted to live my life fully for the One who gave me it. What counts matters when freaking out, when you hit the 'wall' , what counts draws us back to earth and I def feel challenged in my life to further explore what I believe counts. What I want to fight for, what I want my mind to be caught up in, what I would like other people to catch a vision for and how I can work towards fulfilling further whatever the part I have to play.
I don't want things to hold me back, I want to fight for things to be possible and not live weighed down by a fear of the impossible - I guess I truly want to know what counts- to me.
However openly I can be so tortured by the paradoxical trait of the human nature a battle I perhaps will never escape...
