I have been challenged so much recently about my ability to live my life with a heart set on wanting to know God more. I have been challenged about my ability to pray, 'God , bring me closer to You through this experience, whatever it takes..'
Do I truly mean it? Am I really willing to go through anything , to under go whatever it takes to know God more - or am I happy praying the words without really undertaking the wealth of what I am saying. I admittedly struggle, I struggle to always respond to things in the right manner, to look at things with the attitude of whatever it takes. I realise though that the more I have been thinking about living life in this way, the more I have felt myself challenged in my mind when I do succumb to the struggle. I think to myself, you prayed whatever it takes, why are you now surprised that you are finding something hard. I am thankful though that this brings me to the realisation that yea I can't do things on my own, I am going to fail if I try to prevail in this way, that I am pointed back to God and His goodness to me.
I mean didn't He give me all that HE had, whatever it took He gave and gives me.
But what about when it hurts so bad , when it involves sacrifice or just does not make sense: when all our human emotions and thought filters are telling you , screaming at you to run, that this is not fair that at that moment in time those words of your rational heart beat don't even come close.
I am someone who can get so easily fired up about the absolute heart ache of injustice in our world - from witnessing someone being ill treated during my daily routine, to the wider scale issues of our broken world- the overwhelming reality of young girls being trafficked , children with no homes, discrimination, lack of food,water - I mean the list is endless....Then there is the personal struggles that we all experience each and every day, of our own nature. There is no doubt in my mind that soo many times these words are the last thing we would want to think about....whatever it takes.... ahh yea but maybe not that..that we all reach the place at some point when it hurts so bad..
There is comfort in knowing however that no matter what we are facing, how we are feeling or the greatest challenge we face that God knows- that He knows how we feel , that He has felt pain too..
Why think about 'whatever it takes' or wanting to know more? I guess it is a matter for me of not wanting to fall in to the trap of being 'content' at what I know and what I have experienced, I heard someone dishing out this advice not so long ago " Don't sit behind the curtain - open it to the fullness of God and all He has for you." And that's the core of it for me, nail on the head, I just truly long, despite all obstacles, barriers and disruptions that can come, to know what He has for me. His word assures me it to be of good, that those tough times, pain and wrestling are all more than worth giving it my all and affirming greater the mindset of whatever it takes. .
“The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” ~ Exodus 14:13
Sunday, 5 August 2012
Random Thinking...
As I work more and more with the public , I have become baffled by the nature and wide array of many personalities. I am certain that I could recite many customer orders and requirements and almost have an accurate time of arrival for a few - at least a good idea of the window. I never seem to be amazed at how so many keep coming back and especially when getting the same things, many times on a daily basis. (must be the excellent service) However I realise more and more how we are so often driven and ruled by our routines and I guess habits, that our behaviour is just sometimes our default and the only way in which we know.
The more I have been thinking about it, the tedious connection led me to recognize in my own life things that I just do because I did it the day before or the previous week or because it just feels 'normal' - not saying that this is a bad thing. There is something that really appeals to me about having a routine and I love it when things go according to such, yet my challenge is what when it doesnt.. What when I wake up and my day takes a turn that I did not anticipate, when the 'safety net' is gone or the familiar is a distant memory. As much as I love routine and I guess the challenge I give myself at being 'good' at my own routine ; I have really realised the need to take a step back and pretty much allow there to be times to just go with it, roll with it. I mean for me and my personality I know it is good for me to know what I need to do and when I need to do it etc , however I must be able to challenge and at times move away from the norm. It is so easy to become stuck in the flow of things, stuck in doing what has to be done that you loose the ability to challenge and become more rigid. To set limits on yourself or to deem something impossible just becasuse it is above or different to the waters that you have been used to swimming in. To become complacent and move away from being able to dream, to do bigger things because like every other joe you become a 'creature of habit' mulling through life with eyes closed. Well thats sometimes how I feel I can be in my life , that I forget that God has a bigger purpose and desire in what is going on in my life than me just successfully following a pattern - that I myself designed - how wrong.
'Variants of the expression "to throw a curveball" essentially translate to introducing a significant deviation to a preceding concept ... '
~ Really I got to embrace all Curve balls knowing its not about what happens but how I respond and especially the reality of trying to further grasp how with God I cannot FAIL .... Phew !
The more I have been thinking about it, the tedious connection led me to recognize in my own life things that I just do because I did it the day before or the previous week or because it just feels 'normal' - not saying that this is a bad thing. There is something that really appeals to me about having a routine and I love it when things go according to such, yet my challenge is what when it doesnt.. What when I wake up and my day takes a turn that I did not anticipate, when the 'safety net' is gone or the familiar is a distant memory. As much as I love routine and I guess the challenge I give myself at being 'good' at my own routine ; I have really realised the need to take a step back and pretty much allow there to be times to just go with it, roll with it. I mean for me and my personality I know it is good for me to know what I need to do and when I need to do it etc , however I must be able to challenge and at times move away from the norm. It is so easy to become stuck in the flow of things, stuck in doing what has to be done that you loose the ability to challenge and become more rigid. To set limits on yourself or to deem something impossible just becasuse it is above or different to the waters that you have been used to swimming in. To become complacent and move away from being able to dream, to do bigger things because like every other joe you become a 'creature of habit' mulling through life with eyes closed. Well thats sometimes how I feel I can be in my life , that I forget that God has a bigger purpose and desire in what is going on in my life than me just successfully following a pattern - that I myself designed - how wrong.
'Variants of the expression "to throw a curveball" essentially translate to introducing a significant deviation to a preceding concept ... '
~ Really I got to embrace all Curve balls knowing its not about what happens but how I respond and especially the reality of trying to further grasp how with God I cannot FAIL .... Phew !
Monday, 30 January 2012
Year without Fear ?!
I guess it is only natural at the beginning of a year to take a 'step back' and re-evaluate - what am I doing, what have a become and mostly am I still striving to live a life growing in God..
Perhaps this self evaluation is more regular and of the ordinary for some of us than just the New Year.
Sometimes I think that it is difficult to always identify growth- have I changed at all since last year, have I matured in my faith or have I simply just moved from one port of call to another. At times it is so easy to feel like maybe I am just going backwards, how do things still feel so translucent at times, maybe thats even a generous description at times. I have indeed been challenged greatly in identity as we all so often are, a steep learning curve has been the acknowledgment that occupation and community do not define such. To always be drawn to the Truth of the Gospel to be my numero uno - however , my fallen spiritual DNA loves fear.
A cycle that I never voluntarily choose to jump into can sweep me off my feet and throw a tremendous curve ball, it attacks me in many ways and clouds many a judgement. It often feels like I am doing doughnuts !
Yet my God is committed and Faithful and has promised so much to me, He tells me time and time again, more than anything else to NOT FEAR ! When I feel so disheartened at times of how I can see my failings, ( how shameful and dirty I can feel, how irritated and frustrated with my inability to have 'moved on' from such school boy errors ) - I am similarly challenged by the possibility of missing the Glory of the Gospel ! - While I was a sinner He accepted me, His PERFECT Love ..
What I am really wanting to build upon that I know shall protect me from my vice - Trust . I am such a sucker for a definition, even a basic dictionary explanation of a term - I have always been this way. I think it helps with my processing, just seeing it in black and white , either that or some teacher thought it a good idea at some point and I must have just clung to it.
Trust : Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I feel that many things in life can make me panic or distract me from my main goals, then suddenly SMACK - but where is your Trust. I am challenged at how easily my trust seems to dwindle at times, some cases it takes a lot longer to feel the smack ! Amazing also to think that my trust does not lie in the ability of 'someone or something' but in the Creator of the Earth, a Sovereign King , My Father !
I know for a fact that it is not about what happens, but how we respond..
Its like such a total assurance to know that no matter what the waters or the fire (Isaiah 43) are to be in my life that I am safe and secure. That this Trust that I can rely upon is not of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
I admit I pray a ton to be able to Trust God more, to not have those times where the fear creeps in , when I feel overwhelmed, when peoples opinions and judgments floor me , when I am lost and uncertain. To be honest I am learning that I can use moments that feel uneasy as such a blessing and a privilege to be able to take the time as an opportunity to Trust. To let God do what I have been asking Him for - to equip me and strengthen me in my Trust in Him. To not want to control , to keep my eyes and vision securely on Him. I am learning that this response is wrapped up in the Peace that I have, that this peace shouldn't go away- even when I do respond in the wrong ways. The beauty of Gods Grace and great mercy thankfully enables me to never be far or rejected but to remain on the path of further revelation into His amazing character and to delve deeper into the understandings of all His promises to me.
Yea this year I probably will fear. I probably will mess up and yea I probably will feel like I am digressing at times. However I humbly place my life in the Potters hands, knowing that He will continue to mold me, that I should remember more readily His love (despite my actions) and that only through His power will I grow. I want to persevere in learning more, to learn more of Gods peace which will come hand in hand as I trust, to really grasp my biggest weapon of peace through prayer.
God is so much bigger than anything that I can ever imagine, He is eternal and will not cease to amaze me if I actively seek a personal relationship with Him. At times I really do panic, worry, fail to sleep and perhaps enjoy experiences- yet I realise : He's got this, He is in control , Who and what am I fearing, all you have to do is let Him- Easy right?!. To remember that no matter what twists and obstacles there seems to be that I should always have patience, to know that I know all that I need to know right now , to remember that the fight is WON ! That I don't have to figure things out but rest in unfailing love, unfailing love
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
As the heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher that your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
Perhaps this self evaluation is more regular and of the ordinary for some of us than just the New Year.
Sometimes I think that it is difficult to always identify growth- have I changed at all since last year, have I matured in my faith or have I simply just moved from one port of call to another. At times it is so easy to feel like maybe I am just going backwards, how do things still feel so translucent at times, maybe thats even a generous description at times. I have indeed been challenged greatly in identity as we all so often are, a steep learning curve has been the acknowledgment that occupation and community do not define such. To always be drawn to the Truth of the Gospel to be my numero uno - however , my fallen spiritual DNA loves fear.
A cycle that I never voluntarily choose to jump into can sweep me off my feet and throw a tremendous curve ball, it attacks me in many ways and clouds many a judgement. It often feels like I am doing doughnuts !
Yet my God is committed and Faithful and has promised so much to me, He tells me time and time again, more than anything else to NOT FEAR ! When I feel so disheartened at times of how I can see my failings, ( how shameful and dirty I can feel, how irritated and frustrated with my inability to have 'moved on' from such school boy errors ) - I am similarly challenged by the possibility of missing the Glory of the Gospel ! - While I was a sinner He accepted me, His PERFECT Love ..
What I am really wanting to build upon that I know shall protect me from my vice - Trust . I am such a sucker for a definition, even a basic dictionary explanation of a term - I have always been this way. I think it helps with my processing, just seeing it in black and white , either that or some teacher thought it a good idea at some point and I must have just clung to it.
Trust : Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
I feel that many things in life can make me panic or distract me from my main goals, then suddenly SMACK - but where is your Trust. I am challenged at how easily my trust seems to dwindle at times, some cases it takes a lot longer to feel the smack ! Amazing also to think that my trust does not lie in the ability of 'someone or something' but in the Creator of the Earth, a Sovereign King , My Father !
I know for a fact that it is not about what happens, but how we respond..
Its like such a total assurance to know that no matter what the waters or the fire (Isaiah 43) are to be in my life that I am safe and secure. That this Trust that I can rely upon is not of my own understanding (Proverbs 3:5)
I admit I pray a ton to be able to Trust God more, to not have those times where the fear creeps in , when I feel overwhelmed, when peoples opinions and judgments floor me , when I am lost and uncertain. To be honest I am learning that I can use moments that feel uneasy as such a blessing and a privilege to be able to take the time as an opportunity to Trust. To let God do what I have been asking Him for - to equip me and strengthen me in my Trust in Him. To not want to control , to keep my eyes and vision securely on Him. I am learning that this response is wrapped up in the Peace that I have, that this peace shouldn't go away- even when I do respond in the wrong ways. The beauty of Gods Grace and great mercy thankfully enables me to never be far or rejected but to remain on the path of further revelation into His amazing character and to delve deeper into the understandings of all His promises to me.
Yea this year I probably will fear. I probably will mess up and yea I probably will feel like I am digressing at times. However I humbly place my life in the Potters hands, knowing that He will continue to mold me, that I should remember more readily His love (despite my actions) and that only through His power will I grow. I want to persevere in learning more, to learn more of Gods peace which will come hand in hand as I trust, to really grasp my biggest weapon of peace through prayer.
God is so much bigger than anything that I can ever imagine, He is eternal and will not cease to amaze me if I actively seek a personal relationship with Him. At times I really do panic, worry, fail to sleep and perhaps enjoy experiences- yet I realise : He's got this, He is in control , Who and what am I fearing, all you have to do is let Him- Easy right?!. To remember that no matter what twists and obstacles there seems to be that I should always have patience, to know that I know all that I need to know right now , to remember that the fight is WON ! That I don't have to figure things out but rest in unfailing love, unfailing love
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
As the heavens are higher than the Earth,
so are my ways higher that your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9
Thursday, 13 October 2011
I WILL change your Name :
- You Shall NO LONGER be called :-
Wounded
Outcast
Lonely
Afraid
Your NEW Name Shall be :-
Confidence
Joyfulness
Overcoming One
Faithfulness
Friend of God
One who Seeks My Face
My Child
Amazing, God doesn't want to scrap who I am but wants to save me from what entangles me , He doesn't change who He made me to be - my personality gifts and talents remain, He redeems me to become more how He imagined. No longer are we to be confined by labels that fail to acknowledge the goodness of God, but released into a world of positive and loving adjectives- love beyond our greatest experience !
God wishes to restore and is willing to do so all the time, His patience and love for me is unfathomable , to think that I often struggle with waiting upon Him when its really Him who is taking everything in His timing so that it is perfect for me, there could be no greater demonstration of understanding. He wants to see me flourish , to be vibrant and alive as I fully grow and learn more of what it is to be blessed with the gift of 'fullness of life' in Him. He sees each of us as precious, to be worth so much and will never let us go , I learn more and more how I know that I should rest in Him knowing how Faithful He is - that whatever is happening or going on that despite my inability to understand or control that if I am walking with Him acknowledging Him in life - His plans are only of hope and future - even when things don't seem this way. I always thought this verse was just thrown about a ton but in hindsight if I really believe the word and the truth of God and learn to commit things to Him more and more then I should really take such assurance in knowing that no matter how 'rocky' a path may be that God has promised so much more - He knows exactly what He is doing.
As Einstein said " God doesn't play dice "
- everything is orchestrated with such providential oversight that simply blows our minds and awareness.
Man I truly need the Spirit to remind me of Gods Truth more and more , to know that it is not about what happens but how we respond.........
...... for me to personally remember that it doesn't matter to me as much what I do in this life but who I become in Him and the people I am blessed to meet and love along the way
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
R. O . I ......
Finance is not my forte , but sometimes figures just make sense ! I often remember the quote in that movie 'Mean Girls' - " because It's the same in every country" defending why one would even like maths. Personally I think there is a totally valid point in that - I mean no matter where you are, What your doing there has to be a beauty in the fact that in any equation or problem involving figures - there can only be one answer ! 1 + 1 will always give 2 - always ! No matter what continent your in, what language you speak or your background. It is just fact .. a simple fact , right? Well maybe at that level.
I know what your thinking huh I never really thought about that .... think of school - you were awarded some marks for showing working out and I guess in hindsight looking like you were going the right way, that you understand , perhaps even a glimpse of sympathy? .. but..realistically you still only scored full potential when you got that one right answer ... there is no either or .. There is not as much freedom with boundaries as those 'wordy' subjects..
Jesus said to him,
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
John 14:6
I am drawn to the similarity of the one way beauty - the overwhelming Truth that to know God and have a personal relationship with Him - there is one answer , one way - Jesus.
At this point though I feel it so necessary to realise that what God did in sending His son to die for us will never make sense like a maths equation, there is no 'sum' that equates to the forgiveness and grace that has been bestowed upon us.. Just an undeniable , uncomprehending and unending amount of Love- its simply not tangible or deserved. Undeserved - Nothing we have done! The truth of the gospel that Jesus is the only one true way can certainly present itself in a nature as black and white as that 1+1. Yet I'm fully aware that so often as humans we fail to hold on to that truth, or we fail to really accept what that means for us or how easy it is for our eyes to slip off Him - thus the negotiation of black and white.
Accepting Christ as Your Saviour, handing your life to Him and asking for His forgiveness - non-negotiable. Believing that when we turn to Him we are washed clean by His blood, accepted and made new , through nothing of our own merit - non -negotiable. It's the journey that will test, try and at times torment us. The knowledge that although knowing Jesus to be the only answer, doesn't mean we simply fall into wow life is great -
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43 : 2
It is not a case of 'if' or 'maybe' but 'When you pass through the waters,' however how amazing that in the same sentence we are reassured of our safety and security in Christ that when these times come we are not alone nor are we defeated
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46 : 1
Delving on to another provoking mathematical thought...
Return On Investment ( R.O.I.) - A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or to compare the efficiency of a number of different investments...
To calculate ROI, the benefit (return) of an investment is divided by the cost of the investment; the result is expressed as a percentage or a ratio.
It is advised that if a positive ROI is not possible or if there is an opportunity for a higher result an investment obviously should not be undertaken.
In thinking in terms of one's relationship with God, the return of investment seems to relate to - What we gain 'divided' by the cost .. Takes a minute to get my head around this - the number of times I have spent trying to re-work that in my mind. So what we gain from living a life invested in Christ in comparison to what the cost may be. There is such a vast amount of gain to living a life with Christ, way too many to note or fathom. The fact is no longer do we wear garments of slavery but rather clothes of adoption - we are filled with a hope and a future , assured of God's love and approval , that He will never leave nor forsake us , that all things work together for good when we walk with Him- We are given the gift of eternal life and promised
life and have it abundantly! With all that it contains ; freedom, joy, peace , security, safety....
I think of
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3 : 8
There is no doubt the amount of pain and suffering there is in the world, in our lives, the trials and hard times - moments were we simply do not know how we are going to continue however I am 100% sold in knowing that having a life invested in Christ will be more than worth it, more than 'beneficial' and it for sure, if mathematically possible , would produce a figure so positive it would rocket off the scale.. No other investment could ever come close !
The challenge I feel faced with, is how then am I living my life ? Am I truly maximising life to the fullest potential realising that I have the greatest 'return on investment' there could ever be.. Do I push boundaries, take risks, live with passion and compassion all for the Glory of My Saviour - surely the knowledge of such assurance and love would provoke us to always be striving for more of Him , attempting to give this all we have got- With Him we can't loose ! This is not a risky deal , Only when we truly realise that Jesus is the way , our way will we ever be able to really realise and tackle our full potential... A potential that He has given us and that we reach by His grace and mercy. We will never loose marks or points with God - nothing will keep us from His love. At times we do have to 'work things out' but all these stages remind us that we can do nothing without him, that our dependence should solely remain in Him.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
With God we cannot loose, we will always gain - everything will be worth it however little we see or understand this at times. What is it then that is holding us back ? What is filling up priority in our hearts, what are we placing importance in. I have been challenged by how there is a 'thin line between things for our living and to what you are living for'....
No matter how we view ourselves at times or what mistakes we make or how lost we feel - To God we are always worth the investment ! How mind blowing is that, that He considers us worth re-making. Despite all our efforts we will never match up nor are we ever required to - thank goodness God doesn't take into consideration what 'return' we give to Him...
'You are more than the sum of your past mistakes..'
And yea guess what.... its the same in every country !
What a privilege to be able to maximise our life investing in a relationship with Him but really how much greater it is that while we were still sinners He gave us the greatest gift of all - truly showing how much He thinks every one of us are worth investing in !
Go For It !
I know what your thinking huh I never really thought about that .... think of school - you were awarded some marks for showing working out and I guess in hindsight looking like you were going the right way, that you understand , perhaps even a glimpse of sympathy? .. but..realistically you still only scored full potential when you got that one right answer ... there is no either or .. There is not as much freedom with boundaries as those 'wordy' subjects..
Jesus said to him,
“I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."
John 14:6
I am drawn to the similarity of the one way beauty - the overwhelming Truth that to know God and have a personal relationship with Him - there is one answer , one way - Jesus.
At this point though I feel it so necessary to realise that what God did in sending His son to die for us will never make sense like a maths equation, there is no 'sum' that equates to the forgiveness and grace that has been bestowed upon us.. Just an undeniable , uncomprehending and unending amount of Love- its simply not tangible or deserved. Undeserved - Nothing we have done! The truth of the gospel that Jesus is the only one true way can certainly present itself in a nature as black and white as that 1+1. Yet I'm fully aware that so often as humans we fail to hold on to that truth, or we fail to really accept what that means for us or how easy it is for our eyes to slip off Him - thus the negotiation of black and white.
Accepting Christ as Your Saviour, handing your life to Him and asking for His forgiveness - non-negotiable. Believing that when we turn to Him we are washed clean by His blood, accepted and made new , through nothing of our own merit - non -negotiable. It's the journey that will test, try and at times torment us. The knowledge that although knowing Jesus to be the only answer, doesn't mean we simply fall into wow life is great -
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43 : 2
It is not a case of 'if' or 'maybe' but 'When you pass through the waters,' however how amazing that in the same sentence we are reassured of our safety and security in Christ that when these times come we are not alone nor are we defeated
God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46 : 1
Delving on to another provoking mathematical thought...
Return On Investment ( R.O.I.) - A performance measure used to evaluate the efficiency of an investment or to compare the efficiency of a number of different investments...
To calculate ROI, the benefit (return) of an investment is divided by the cost of the investment; the result is expressed as a percentage or a ratio.
It is advised that if a positive ROI is not possible or if there is an opportunity for a higher result an investment obviously should not be undertaken.
In thinking in terms of one's relationship with God, the return of investment seems to relate to - What we gain 'divided' by the cost .. Takes a minute to get my head around this - the number of times I have spent trying to re-work that in my mind. So what we gain from living a life invested in Christ in comparison to what the cost may be. There is such a vast amount of gain to living a life with Christ, way too many to note or fathom. The fact is no longer do we wear garments of slavery but rather clothes of adoption - we are filled with a hope and a future , assured of God's love and approval , that He will never leave nor forsake us , that all things work together for good when we walk with Him- We are given the gift of eternal life and promised
life and have it abundantly! With all that it contains ; freedom, joy, peace , security, safety....
I think of
Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ
Philippians 3 : 8
There is no doubt the amount of pain and suffering there is in the world, in our lives, the trials and hard times - moments were we simply do not know how we are going to continue however I am 100% sold in knowing that having a life invested in Christ will be more than worth it, more than 'beneficial' and it for sure, if mathematically possible , would produce a figure so positive it would rocket off the scale.. No other investment could ever come close !
The challenge I feel faced with, is how then am I living my life ? Am I truly maximising life to the fullest potential realising that I have the greatest 'return on investment' there could ever be.. Do I push boundaries, take risks, live with passion and compassion all for the Glory of My Saviour - surely the knowledge of such assurance and love would provoke us to always be striving for more of Him , attempting to give this all we have got- With Him we can't loose ! This is not a risky deal , Only when we truly realise that Jesus is the way , our way will we ever be able to really realise and tackle our full potential... A potential that He has given us and that we reach by His grace and mercy. We will never loose marks or points with God - nothing will keep us from His love. At times we do have to 'work things out' but all these stages remind us that we can do nothing without him, that our dependence should solely remain in Him.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
With God we cannot loose, we will always gain - everything will be worth it however little we see or understand this at times. What is it then that is holding us back ? What is filling up priority in our hearts, what are we placing importance in. I have been challenged by how there is a 'thin line between things for our living and to what you are living for'....
No matter how we view ourselves at times or what mistakes we make or how lost we feel - To God we are always worth the investment ! How mind blowing is that, that He considers us worth re-making. Despite all our efforts we will never match up nor are we ever required to - thank goodness God doesn't take into consideration what 'return' we give to Him...
'You are more than the sum of your past mistakes..'
And yea guess what.... its the same in every country !
What a privilege to be able to maximise our life investing in a relationship with Him but really how much greater it is that while we were still sinners He gave us the greatest gift of all - truly showing how much He thinks every one of us are worth investing in !
Go For It !
Monday, 19 September 2011
... Beautifully Blessed ...
Recently I have felt overwhelmed by an even greater realisation and understanding of how totally blessed I am , how much I have. I fall so short in my appreciation and gratitude- not that I am totally unaware or never acknowledge but that in spite of this I still have a great inability to grasp - totally human or what ?
My eyes are often drawn away from the things that truly matter , the things that last and for sure the things that I want to put my time in to.
I am lost at times in despair of my human nature, what about my Joy of COMPLETE freedom. I am lost in understanding why I do things that are not my heart, why I worry and panic about what is next, when I have been blessed beyond belief in safety and security in Christ. However do I truly realise and grasp how safe and secure I can feel in Him is this what I place my hope in and do I let it equip me and satisfy me? Do I truly take on what these things mean and not let them wash over me as often words do, how do I use this tangibly and daily?
I find myself overwhelmed of the blessing to simply be, to be 'a something.' I often think of the words expressed by Edward Hale an American Author:
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. "
At times I am often side tracked in my inabilities to be; to be someone who is driven to make a difference. I realise in my thinking how totally blessed I am; that everything that I have experienced in my life so far has shaped and moulded me into whatever or whoever I am now. That I am one, that I can do things - but the biggest realisation for me is the recognition of how this is all possible- that God has given me an unbelievable gift of Grace.
My eyes are often drawn away from the things that truly matter , the things that last and for sure the things that I want to put my time in to.
I am lost at times in despair of my human nature, what about my Joy of COMPLETE freedom. I am lost in understanding why I do things that are not my heart, why I worry and panic about what is next, when I have been blessed beyond belief in safety and security in Christ. However do I truly realise and grasp how safe and secure I can feel in Him is this what I place my hope in and do I let it equip me and satisfy me? Do I truly take on what these things mean and not let them wash over me as often words do, how do I use this tangibly and daily?
I find myself overwhelmed of the blessing to simply be, to be 'a something.' I often think of the words expressed by Edward Hale an American Author:
"I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. "
At times I am often side tracked in my inabilities to be; to be someone who is driven to make a difference. I realise in my thinking how totally blessed I am; that everything that I have experienced in my life so far has shaped and moulded me into whatever or whoever I am now. That I am one, that I can do things - but the biggest realisation for me is the recognition of how this is all possible- that God has given me an unbelievable gift of Grace.
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Extraordinary in 'Ordinary'...
For some unknown reason I mustered up some courage, took some brave pills and ventured solo to a local Presbyterian Church to see if I could help out/ find out some more about the outreach they were doing with homeless families. The programme involves the families staying at the church for a week with the provision of being cared for, fed and having shelter and primarily to feel love. I didn’t really know what to anticipate or what to expect and didn’t even know any other volunteers never mind families, I remember thinking as I arrived what am I doing here but I felt prompted in my thinking of ah you’re here now so just go for it! Yikes! I did not expect to experience what I did.
Stats: J – Middle aged woman probably around 50, possible mental health issues. Two children, boy aged 17 and daughter of 8- met the daughter. Told me about her life- comes from a place she kept referring to as ‘the island’ ‘the island’ – later it became apparent she was referring to an Island between Australia and the Philippines. My geographical skills let me down as usual; thankfully J was able to point out her island to me as we passed a world map in the corridor.
J was open and honest about her life, she told me many things that had made her journey difficult and many struggles they have as a family. My introduction with J was a somewhat unique experience as she never actually introduced herself but casually chipped in with contributing remarks to a conversation I was having with another volunteer. In my mind I had thought that J was part of one of the families taking part in the programme, I am left reeling in hindsight as I realise how arrogant this approach, even if somewhat justifiable, as I discovered she was not. J began to unfold her life story to me as we stood in the doorway of the room were the children were being entertained with arts and crafts. Although her son, Gideon, was not present she introduced him to me and told me of how he was a 17 year old and that she was always worried and concerned about him, talking to him was difficult. J expressed that kids don’t want or appreciate their mother’s advice that he didn’t want to listen to her – I tried to assure her in a light hearted manner that his behaviour was totally typical and normal of any teenager of that age and she should get in contact with my mum! The transferal from a worried face to a laughing and more relaxed composure was great to witness and there seemed to be a sense of ease. J addressed her concern for how her son was lacking interest in returning to church, despair with ‘what has happened with him,’ remarks and that she wanted people to pray for him and asked another guy present to encourage him- she acknowledged to me that just sometimes guy to guy can do some good.
Our conversation developed further and was brought back to the presence of the room as next J brought to my attention her daughter, who was interacting with the other children and painting pictures at the table nearby. The move which brought J and her family back to Cleveland was motivated by the need of health care for her 8 year old joyful daughter, she expressed to me ‘she’s sick.’ A few moments past in which I was frantically debating with myself what do I say, how should I respond, should I inquire or hold back and see as previously J had been very much in control of the conversation. I waited, cowardly perhaps. Not long passed however, although it has potential to have seemed longer in my own mind, when J expressed ‘its cancer, it’s in her blood,’ in a low whispering voice , which was clearly a lot louder than what was probably intended. At this point I realised that her daughter who was not too far from earshot was probably able to hear and perhaps not that unused to such. There is better medication and facilities here I was told and that the doctors now have the illness under control with an injection that is needed once a month, I was not told much more in terms of the severity. The needs that the family required were becoming more clear, J spoke of how she needed to work but if she did she feared the removal of her government help but that she did need more money as sometimes if her daughter is sick she needs to buy medicine over the counter which can be expensive. The weight and worry on this woman’s shoulders was being magnified to me and I really felt my heart feel the pain of her journey.
I asked at this point if J had any family, in my mind I thought there must be some help and support network or another reason to have made the trip back to Cleveland. Her mother was all she mentioned, but that she had mental health problems and that it was another person who she was responsible for looking after. Never once did I feel that she was bitter. The conversation also drew light on the fact that the father of her daughter had been killed in Iraq, again she did not go into details. She was aware by my responses how unfathomable I was finding all the information she was sharing and remarked that her life has just continued to spiral downwards whilst making the action with her hand. J then expressed that the one thing that she had never lost though was her faith. Wow, that’s it right there, if anything had potential to convict after such heart wrenching stories it was that bold statement. She assured me that she held to her faith and that she was carrying her cross. I assured her, as I attempted to fight my fear of speaking and selfishly wanting to remain in the comfortable ‘I’m listening zone’ that I would be praying for her and her family and that God has never and will never leave her that He will give her His strength, in my mind I was sure that these words would seem to fall so short. J turned to me with sincerity in her eyes and said yea I know you are right, thank you. I was sure my stumbling was insufficient but I knew in that moment that she knew; that she was someone of was tangibly and actively depending on Him, how humbling.
With bedtime for school tomorrow just around the corner mother and daughter prepared to leave, before leaving J asked me if I wanted to come and see their bikes, the method of transport for their short trip home. I agreed and we began the walk to the other end of the building, her daughter who I had no previous interaction with joyfully led me through the corridors. She told me to close my eyes and that she would guide me, she asked firstly though if I trusted her, in my demonstration I closed my eyes and she took my hand. As we walked she would ask “do you know where you are going?” “Do you still trust me?” I answered appropriately with the intention to spur her on in her quest, reassuring her that she was responsible. We made it to the place where the bikes were located, both as proud to show me their bikes, “that’s mom’s, this is mine”, J began to wheel her daughters bike up the exiting ramp. I was left in simple conversation with her daughter, asking me about my country, the language I spoke ( I don’t know why people seem to doubt my ability of speaking English here) – I was able to explain to her that I was from an island far away also. In the next moment she turned to me and her big brown eyes looking into mine and said “You know I’ve got your back,” I gave a gentle chuckle and expressed my thanks. She reaffirmed her statement and followed again with, “no really, I have your back. No matter where you go I have it,” my mind started racing as I looked at her again, her innocent childlike mannerisms, I’m sure she wondered why I probably displayed a baffled expression. Then she said “Even though I leave you now I have got your back, I promise,” wow, I couldn’t help but think this was something more. J returned and we exchanged our goodbyes, I said I hopefully would see her again and maybe on Sunday, she expressed how great it was to meet me and chat. As I watched the two make their way up the ramp I got reminded again “Remember I’ve got your back” by the gentle call back of the 8 year old, I smiled and waved them off.
As I made my way back to the other end of the church and began my journey home, I couldn’t help but to further think through that evening and the experience of meeting J. My heart was touched by her story, by her struggles and how she was wrestling with the things that life seemed to be throwing at her. I was struck at how much she was depending on God and realised that although outwardly and perhaps battling some mental issues, J was displaying an admiring maturing walk of faith as there was no doubt of how much she needed God and that she was aware of this. I felt humbled and thankful to have met such a woman, who had unintentionally encouraged me to hold firm to what I believed that nothing should waver my faith even in the times when it seems so hard. I thought of the verses in Habakkuk 3:17-19:
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
I realise we all interpret things in different ways and I guess I am someone who is a ‘thinker’, perceptive and strives to take in as many experiences as possible, although note able that this does not always happen. My experience with J’s daughter in hindsight felt so sur-real, that he constant eye contact in her assurance drew my attention to God. That He always says to me I will not leave you, even though I am unsure of what I am doing, where I am right now and the purpose to unfold, that I know He more than ‘has my back.’ I felt reminded that although I don’t always see God I know that He walks with me and that He is there, no matter where I go He is with me. I am blown away at how the innocence and joy of the young girl clearly demonstrated to me a child-like faith, a faith confident in the promises God so clearly gives us. That as we walk living with the Spirit in us – how awesome- we are to hold his hand, not to let go as we are not designed to do this without Him. The reminder of the friendship extended revived my acknowledgement of how we are to live together in community, united in Him , that He places us in a ‘pack’ where we are to encourage each other in the everything is going great days to the ah I don’t know what is happening moments, days, weeks. Despite the culture and the fast movement of the world telling us constantly that maturity is to become independent- something which I am really trying to grasp and wrestle with in a new environment, surroundings and people – this indoctrinated view does not hold water to the undeniable power of the Gospel. Living in a relationship with Christ and knowing that we are His is totally the opposite process, against the grain of society; maturity as a Christian is surely to recognise the need to grow into dependence. To be made further aware of our total need of Him, that we should not be self-sustaining, but that we are weak and need to be empowered by Him and His spirit.
I feel so blessed and appreciative to God for this humbling experience and the joy to meet J, I think of her often bringing her family to Him in prayer. In my nature I long to do more, I want to be a ‘fixer’ but I am learning that many great people encourage me and cross my paths daily from housemates to friends, to family to friends of friends to the general public, and that they all leave lasting impacts and that it is my responsibility to understand the true gift of relationships and the joy of being involved in people’s lives and especially how unfathomably special it is when people feel they can open up and reveal more of their lives to you. I never want to take this for granted or to never realise how undeniably unique and special each experience is, even if it is a hard or negative one at the time. I know God brings people into our lives and I think we should all be more aware of this and not let things slip by us or be passive in our experiences. I am evermore blown away as I travel and spend time in another country of how much I have been beautifully blessed by the many encounters I am having with people. It is all about people, others- serving and giving time. I am sold out on the heart issue of loving people and tangibly displaying this in daily life, although I know I fall so short-how much I need the Holy Spirit to equip me and show me how. I want to see people as God does and to let Him break my heart.
Stats: J – Middle aged woman probably around 50, possible mental health issues. Two children, boy aged 17 and daughter of 8- met the daughter. Told me about her life- comes from a place she kept referring to as ‘the island’ ‘the island’ – later it became apparent she was referring to an Island between Australia and the Philippines. My geographical skills let me down as usual; thankfully J was able to point out her island to me as we passed a world map in the corridor.
J was open and honest about her life, she told me many things that had made her journey difficult and many struggles they have as a family. My introduction with J was a somewhat unique experience as she never actually introduced herself but casually chipped in with contributing remarks to a conversation I was having with another volunteer. In my mind I had thought that J was part of one of the families taking part in the programme, I am left reeling in hindsight as I realise how arrogant this approach, even if somewhat justifiable, as I discovered she was not. J began to unfold her life story to me as we stood in the doorway of the room were the children were being entertained with arts and crafts. Although her son, Gideon, was not present she introduced him to me and told me of how he was a 17 year old and that she was always worried and concerned about him, talking to him was difficult. J expressed that kids don’t want or appreciate their mother’s advice that he didn’t want to listen to her – I tried to assure her in a light hearted manner that his behaviour was totally typical and normal of any teenager of that age and she should get in contact with my mum! The transferal from a worried face to a laughing and more relaxed composure was great to witness and there seemed to be a sense of ease. J addressed her concern for how her son was lacking interest in returning to church, despair with ‘what has happened with him,’ remarks and that she wanted people to pray for him and asked another guy present to encourage him- she acknowledged to me that just sometimes guy to guy can do some good.
Our conversation developed further and was brought back to the presence of the room as next J brought to my attention her daughter, who was interacting with the other children and painting pictures at the table nearby. The move which brought J and her family back to Cleveland was motivated by the need of health care for her 8 year old joyful daughter, she expressed to me ‘she’s sick.’ A few moments past in which I was frantically debating with myself what do I say, how should I respond, should I inquire or hold back and see as previously J had been very much in control of the conversation. I waited, cowardly perhaps. Not long passed however, although it has potential to have seemed longer in my own mind, when J expressed ‘its cancer, it’s in her blood,’ in a low whispering voice , which was clearly a lot louder than what was probably intended. At this point I realised that her daughter who was not too far from earshot was probably able to hear and perhaps not that unused to such. There is better medication and facilities here I was told and that the doctors now have the illness under control with an injection that is needed once a month, I was not told much more in terms of the severity. The needs that the family required were becoming more clear, J spoke of how she needed to work but if she did she feared the removal of her government help but that she did need more money as sometimes if her daughter is sick she needs to buy medicine over the counter which can be expensive. The weight and worry on this woman’s shoulders was being magnified to me and I really felt my heart feel the pain of her journey.
I asked at this point if J had any family, in my mind I thought there must be some help and support network or another reason to have made the trip back to Cleveland. Her mother was all she mentioned, but that she had mental health problems and that it was another person who she was responsible for looking after. Never once did I feel that she was bitter. The conversation also drew light on the fact that the father of her daughter had been killed in Iraq, again she did not go into details. She was aware by my responses how unfathomable I was finding all the information she was sharing and remarked that her life has just continued to spiral downwards whilst making the action with her hand. J then expressed that the one thing that she had never lost though was her faith. Wow, that’s it right there, if anything had potential to convict after such heart wrenching stories it was that bold statement. She assured me that she held to her faith and that she was carrying her cross. I assured her, as I attempted to fight my fear of speaking and selfishly wanting to remain in the comfortable ‘I’m listening zone’ that I would be praying for her and her family and that God has never and will never leave her that He will give her His strength, in my mind I was sure that these words would seem to fall so short. J turned to me with sincerity in her eyes and said yea I know you are right, thank you. I was sure my stumbling was insufficient but I knew in that moment that she knew; that she was someone of was tangibly and actively depending on Him, how humbling.
With bedtime for school tomorrow just around the corner mother and daughter prepared to leave, before leaving J asked me if I wanted to come and see their bikes, the method of transport for their short trip home. I agreed and we began the walk to the other end of the building, her daughter who I had no previous interaction with joyfully led me through the corridors. She told me to close my eyes and that she would guide me, she asked firstly though if I trusted her, in my demonstration I closed my eyes and she took my hand. As we walked she would ask “do you know where you are going?” “Do you still trust me?” I answered appropriately with the intention to spur her on in her quest, reassuring her that she was responsible. We made it to the place where the bikes were located, both as proud to show me their bikes, “that’s mom’s, this is mine”, J began to wheel her daughters bike up the exiting ramp. I was left in simple conversation with her daughter, asking me about my country, the language I spoke ( I don’t know why people seem to doubt my ability of speaking English here) – I was able to explain to her that I was from an island far away also. In the next moment she turned to me and her big brown eyes looking into mine and said “You know I’ve got your back,” I gave a gentle chuckle and expressed my thanks. She reaffirmed her statement and followed again with, “no really, I have your back. No matter where you go I have it,” my mind started racing as I looked at her again, her innocent childlike mannerisms, I’m sure she wondered why I probably displayed a baffled expression. Then she said “Even though I leave you now I have got your back, I promise,” wow, I couldn’t help but think this was something more. J returned and we exchanged our goodbyes, I said I hopefully would see her again and maybe on Sunday, she expressed how great it was to meet me and chat. As I watched the two make their way up the ramp I got reminded again “Remember I’ve got your back” by the gentle call back of the 8 year old, I smiled and waved them off.
As I made my way back to the other end of the church and began my journey home, I couldn’t help but to further think through that evening and the experience of meeting J. My heart was touched by her story, by her struggles and how she was wrestling with the things that life seemed to be throwing at her. I was struck at how much she was depending on God and realised that although outwardly and perhaps battling some mental issues, J was displaying an admiring maturing walk of faith as there was no doubt of how much she needed God and that she was aware of this. I felt humbled and thankful to have met such a woman, who had unintentionally encouraged me to hold firm to what I believed that nothing should waver my faith even in the times when it seems so hard. I thought of the verses in Habakkuk 3:17-19:
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
I realise we all interpret things in different ways and I guess I am someone who is a ‘thinker’, perceptive and strives to take in as many experiences as possible, although note able that this does not always happen. My experience with J’s daughter in hindsight felt so sur-real, that he constant eye contact in her assurance drew my attention to God. That He always says to me I will not leave you, even though I am unsure of what I am doing, where I am right now and the purpose to unfold, that I know He more than ‘has my back.’ I felt reminded that although I don’t always see God I know that He walks with me and that He is there, no matter where I go He is with me. I am blown away at how the innocence and joy of the young girl clearly demonstrated to me a child-like faith, a faith confident in the promises God so clearly gives us. That as we walk living with the Spirit in us – how awesome- we are to hold his hand, not to let go as we are not designed to do this without Him. The reminder of the friendship extended revived my acknowledgement of how we are to live together in community, united in Him , that He places us in a ‘pack’ where we are to encourage each other in the everything is going great days to the ah I don’t know what is happening moments, days, weeks. Despite the culture and the fast movement of the world telling us constantly that maturity is to become independent- something which I am really trying to grasp and wrestle with in a new environment, surroundings and people – this indoctrinated view does not hold water to the undeniable power of the Gospel. Living in a relationship with Christ and knowing that we are His is totally the opposite process, against the grain of society; maturity as a Christian is surely to recognise the need to grow into dependence. To be made further aware of our total need of Him, that we should not be self-sustaining, but that we are weak and need to be empowered by Him and His spirit.
I feel so blessed and appreciative to God for this humbling experience and the joy to meet J, I think of her often bringing her family to Him in prayer. In my nature I long to do more, I want to be a ‘fixer’ but I am learning that many great people encourage me and cross my paths daily from housemates to friends, to family to friends of friends to the general public, and that they all leave lasting impacts and that it is my responsibility to understand the true gift of relationships and the joy of being involved in people’s lives and especially how unfathomably special it is when people feel they can open up and reveal more of their lives to you. I never want to take this for granted or to never realise how undeniably unique and special each experience is, even if it is a hard or negative one at the time. I know God brings people into our lives and I think we should all be more aware of this and not let things slip by us or be passive in our experiences. I am evermore blown away as I travel and spend time in another country of how much I have been beautifully blessed by the many encounters I am having with people. It is all about people, others- serving and giving time. I am sold out on the heart issue of loving people and tangibly displaying this in daily life, although I know I fall so short-how much I need the Holy Spirit to equip me and show me how. I want to see people as God does and to let Him break my heart.
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